Extreme Boule: Garrat Park Massacre

Date: 15/03/12

Location: Garrett Park Community Gardens - Earlsfield.
Weather: Spring warmth.
Extreme Rating: ***
Dangers & Annoyances: Giant Mosquitos and Chavs.
Consumables: Vintage Port. Cohiba Cuban Cigars.

Result:

B. Martin (aka Balance Boy): 12

D. Woolridge: 6

"I'm on cloud nine!" - B. Martin (aka Balance Boy).

Match Report:

The Grudge Match of the season. Atop a mound of earth in the cramped Garret Park in Earlsfield, South West London, The current world champion and the hottest tip in the Boule world battle it out and finally let the Boule do the talking.

A vintage bottle of port emerged from Martin's bag before the Boule were even unzipped. The sweet liquor coating the players lips and chins. This gluttonous display attracted all of the insect of the park and soon their cups of Port were full of flies and the Mosquitos were biting hard. Extreme conditions, I'm sure you'll agree.

Woolridge soon put the shakes on Martin with some highly precise orb-tossing, soon putting him into the lead. Sadly, it looked as though Woolridge was enjoying the port a little too much, on account of his addiction since winning the World Champion title. His aim began to weaken, Boules flying every-which-way. A smile played upon Martin's lips... as though this whole scene was carefully planned out by him. And the plan was going very well.

Woolridge, unable to gain any more points, allowed Martin to storm into the lead with a few double points thrown in just to rattle Woolridge's confidence further.

The scores set at Martin 10, Woolridge 6... The players entered the final round. A long jack... 12-15 metres. The first two boule from each player we're nowhere near... This game was up for the taking. Woolridge took quick advantage of this, shooting his final boule within twelve inches of the jack. Beads of sweat peppered Martin's forehead as he launched his final Boule. It bounced and positioned it's self kissing the Jack! Shot of the Season! A 15 metre kisser to win the match. Woolridge was not only defeated, but humiliated.

Martin was then seen cartwheeling around the park. Then lighting up a victory Cuban.

All hail the new flesh.