New Years Eve Boule Frenzy

1. P. Cox   2 = T. Wort, M. Wort, R. Waterman, C. Davies   6. G. Face   7. B. Spruce

Location: Edale
Extreme Rating: * *

Match Report: As the clock moved towards midnight on the final day of 2012, so extreme boule maestro Pippa Cox made a final attempt at grabbing the number one spot in the world. With the season ending on the stroke of midnight this was surely the final game of the season. This was an extreme indoor match that really put the players through their paces.  Newcomer G. Face showed some nice touches, but as the boule clattered over sofas and christmas trees it was Cox who claimed a sensational victory. However the big question remained... would it be enough for the World Title?

Christmas Tournament

Final: 1. J. Murray 2. T. Calvert

Semi Final 1: J. Murray bt  M. Wort &  T. Wort
Semi Final 2:  T. Calvert bt T. Webster

Location: Pontcanna, Cardiff
Extreme Rating: * *

To conlude the day's Extreme Boule Christmas festivities, the Christmas Tournament was announced. In semi final one, Murray left it late but managed to squeak past Wort and Wort. In semi final two, Webster's miserable form continued leaving the tournament early and more importantly waving good bye to the 2012 World Title for good. In the final Murray showed the stylish play that got him known as the Anna Kournikova of the Extreme Boule World, winning the match and helping him to claw his way up the World Rankins in the process.

Pre Christmas Show Down

Game 1: 1 - T. Calvert 2- T. Wort 3- T. Webster 4- M. Wort

Game 2: 1 - T. Webster 2- T. Wort 3- T. Calvert 4- J. Murray

Date: 15/12/12
Location: Pontcanna, Cardiff
Extreme Rating: * *

As news filtered through that Mike Hopkins was back in the number one spot, so the Cardiff Extreme Boule scene took to the mud. Webster knew that a series of victories could claim him the number one spot and most likely the world title - indeed all eyes were on him as the first match started. Playing against the clock, the game splashed it's way round the mud and debris of Pontcanna. For Webster, the pressure was too much. Out foxed by a player not in the Top 20 world rankings (Calvert) and a man more used to turning up at boule matches than winning (T. Wort) it was clear the World Title was slipping away from Webster. Shot of match? A delightful slice of Moon Pie served up from over 10 m by  extreme boule rookie Calvert.

In the second match, Webster restored some pride, whilst another with dreams of the World title, Jim Murray crashed and burned. Calvert struggled with a fecal boule incident and couldn't recover her form, leaving Webster to claim the points and re ignite a faint hope of claiming the world title.

The Hottest Game of the Season?

1. M. Hopkins
Runners up: D. Woolridge, B. Martin, A. Betts, T. Wort, J. Godden

Saturday 8th December
Location: In the Shadow of Slop Bog, Ferndown
Extreme Rating: * * * * *

Match Report: The tension before this match was sensational. Having escaped the Dessert Zone with all their crystals in tact so Messyrs Hopkins, Woolridge, Martin, Wort, Betts and Godden lined up for probably the hottest game of the year. THIS was the match most likely to decide this season's championship. The history between the players needs no elboration. Hopkins had it all to play for and the most to prove. Doubters were everywhere. Could Mike Hopkins really be this year's World Champion they whispered. The game employed a Jack God (a non competitor employed to place the jack in a series of extreme positions) and as the sun descended over Slop Bog and a ghost dog so play commenced. The end result? Hopkins smashed his opponents and all the doubts, to take the points. Whatsmore he reclaims the number one spot with only weeks remainng of the 2012 season. Can he hang on? We'll see.....

New World Number One

Following on from the latest games the World Rankings have thrown a new number one, with just ONE MONTH to go.

Hot Shot Tom Webster has sneaked into pole position with an impressive 86% win ratio. Sioned Jones, after becoming the Spanish Champion, moved into second with Mike Hopkins dropping to third. Hopkins' lack of appearances in the last few months have finally caught up with him and despite boasting an admirable record he must get back out on the boule if he wants to claim this year's championship. Webster's lead is very precarious with even last year's champion Darren Woolridge in with a chance of reclaiming the title if the cat licks his bacon.

Rust Never Sleeps Rule becomes active

Exclusive News from The Extreme Boule Administration Department

Following on from an exhaustive meeting the The Extreme Boule Administration Department (EBAD) have concluded that the points system in use for this year's championship is completely fool proof. Chairman Rodney Puw highlighted the 'Rust Never Sleeps' Rule, that only operates in the last month of the season, as being at the pinnacle of sporting judgement. The rule punishes non active players, with certain big names such as Mike Hopkins and Gwen Thomas falling foul.

Chairman Rodney Pugh at the meeting

 



Vice Chancellor Hot Todd commented to reporters that this season has been one of the toughest on record with over 70 championship games played. Todd added " Riduculously complicated points systems  just really mess with the players. So we've kept it real simple. Fact. We don't want not messing with players. Comprende?"

 

 

Vice Chancellor Hot Tod yesterday

 

When asked how the EBAD felt the players will respond to 'Rust Never Sleeps' Rule becoming active Privy Councillor Les Crisps  responded "It's been in the rules since the year 2011. Those who complain should just get out on the boule pitch and let the orbs do the talking. Cripes."

 

Les Crisps doing what he does best

 

Extreme Boule President Neil Young was unavailable to comment.

Neil Young

 

 

 

 

 





Skenfrith Meltdown

D Woolridge 6
T wort 3
R waterman 2
M Howells 2
G burrows 0

Location:Skenfrith,United Kingdom

Devon Punisher

6th October 2012 12:40.
Croyde Cottage, Devon.
Dangers: waking baby.

Woolridge's disappointing return to the sport.

D Murphy 11
B Murphy 7
D Woolridge 9

Location:Saint Mary's Road,Croyde,United Kingdom

Jones, Queen of Spain

1. Jones  2. M. Wort  3.  T. Wort   4.  C. Davies

 

Date: 1/9/12
Location: Park of Kings, Leon, Spain
Weather: Sun
Extreme Rating: * * * * *

Game result: This game has filtered in from Northern Spain. Jones dominated the Rocks (as boule are referred to in Spain) to snatch a vital victory.

The Autumnal Review

Welcome to the The Extreme Boule Autumnal Review. As we move into the last 4 months of the season we take a breather from the hectic world of Extreme Boule to have a closer look at some of the favourites for this World Championship title. Odds for winning the championship have been supplied by the only person available, Seb Moss.

Mike Hopkins

 

The Gentleman of Boule
Those of you familar with the story of legendary bluesman Robert Johnson will see the unmistakeable parallels between Johnson and Hopkins. Both were average at their choosen pursuits (see Johnson prior to 1928, Hopkins in 2011) then both disappeared from the scene only to re-emerge with some of the finest playing ever scene. Johnson's transformation into a blues legend was attributed to a deal with the devil. Hopkins it has been noted turned on the flair after a trip to Extreme Boules own spiritual birthplace Llyn y Fan Fach - home to the Lady of the Lake. Did Hopkins obtain his boule powers after striking a deal with the lake dwelling harpie of the underworld? Who knows? What is certain is that Hopkin has played some of the finest boule seen in 2012. Johnson ended up revered but dead after being poisoned by a jealous rival (supposedly working for the devil). If Hopkins wins the 2012 title he will become a legend - but will he have to keep a closer eye on his ale?

Current Rank: 1st
2011 Rank: 8th
Odds to win 2012 title:  2 - 1

Gwen Thomas

The Godmother of Boule
A living legend in the Extreme Boule scene, Thomas has brought grace into the game. Smashing her way up the rankings after a glorious weekend in mid Wales, Thomas out played (and out classed) seasoned Extreme boulers Waterman, T. Wort, Moss AND the 2011 champion Woolridge. Having sparred with the greats including Jean Baptiste Gressier, Thomas should be quietly confident about being this years World Champion.

Current Rank: 2nd
2011 Rank: 16th
Odds: 9 -2

Tom Webster

The Boy Wonder
June 2012 - Webster unheard of, and yet to figure in any world rankings ever!
August 2012 - Webster, Number 3 in the World.
Webster smashed onto the scene in a game of legendary extremeness. Burying Seb Moss in a gully is one way to announce yourself onto the Extreme Boule scene and that's exactly what Webster did. Taking Moss apart on an extremely extreme terrain and then following it up by smashing T. Wort 6-0 in the Gravel Dome has woken to world up to Webster. Can he maintain it? Having gone on a training camp overseas who knows what his next move will be? Can he win the title? Only Webster can answer that.

Current Rank: 3rd
2011 Rank: n/a
Odds: 5 - 2

Pippa Cox

The Eliminator
The hot topic at the start of the season was Pippa Cox. Shooting straight to the number one spot and holding for a few months Cox certainly made a splash on the scene. Her playing style was admired by many and her sass mouth ruffled a few feathers. Doubt began to creep in as Cox slipped down the world rankings. Many believed she had peaked to soon and then Cox answered in style. The Eliminator form of Extreme Boule was pioneerd in May is certainly not for the faint hearted. Cox dominated it. Many experienced boulers quivered with fear as Cox shouted her now trademark call of "Eliminated! Eliminated! Eliminated!". She has flown back up the rankings is amongst the favourites for 2012.

Current Rank: 4th
2011 Rank: n/a
Odds: 4 - 1

Richard Waterman

 

The Wizard of Edale
Regarded as the most consistent Extreme Bouler on the scene, Waterman has not slipped from the top 10 in over a year. Not one to crash and burn Waterman will be up there at top end of the rankings come the end of season, but will he have a sprinkling of the necessary magic to be World Champion? If his proposed Mole Boule game plays comes off maybe he will.

Current Rank: 4th
2011 Rank: 6th
Odds: 4 - 1

 

Sam Murphy

The Mother of Extreme Boule (and Olive)
Having taking time out of an impressive Extreme Boule season to produce the next generation of Extreme Boule superstar, Murphy's chances for the title hang in the balance. Having clearly been inspired by the brief, yet brilliant, career of P. O' Brien, Murphy has the talent but has she got the desire?

Current Rank: 8th
2011 Rank: 14th
Odds:  8 - 1

Jim Murray

The Cardiff Maestro
 Refered to as the Anna Kournokova of the Extreme Boule World many regard Murray as fine player but one too involved with the 'Razzmazztazz' that comes with being a boule star. Undoubtedly the King of the Cardiff Scene Murray needs to prove his worth against some of the giants of the game in order to get the number one spot. One thing's for sure he doesn't lack courage when it comes to the Collinson Round and anyone who saw his 15m kisser earlier this year know he can produce some of the finest play around.

Current Rank: 5th
2011 Rank: 5th
Odds: 5 - 1

Darren Woolridge

The World Champion, The Gift Snatcher.
After a turbulent season it's a miracle Woolridge sits in the Top 8. Is the World Championship trophy that sits on his mantlepiece now a curse? All other World Champions have struggled to relive their glory days and some are even rumoured to dead or incapitated with port addictions. For every glimmer of his glorious 2010 form there have been setbacks. The crashing defeat by Balance Boy is one of the talked about events of 2012 and is yet to be avenged. Some say The Cat has licked Woolridge's bacon. Perhaps it's time for Woolridge to lick his own bacon and live the dream -  a second World title.

Current Rank: 7th 
2011 Rank: Champion
Odds: 3 - 1

Ben Martin

 

Balance Boy
The favourite at the beginning of the season, Balance Boy has gone quiet in recent months. Tactics? Fear? Who knows. What is certain is that no one creates a buzz on the Extreme Boule scene like Balance Boy. His demolition of defemding champion Woolridge and the celebratory cigar that followed is one of the most talked about moments of the season. Flash in the pan? Or 2012 World Champion? One thing is for sure, Balance Boy needs to hit the boule turf soon and win a few points before the fans loose faith.

Current Rank: 14th
2011 Rank: 2nd
Odds: 15 - 1

Other odds as supplied by S. Moss:

M. Wort:  59 - 6
L. Cranshaw:  201 - 10
P. O' Brien: 195 - 1
J. Ossett: 112 - 1

Murray back on track

1. Murray  2. Webster  3. Wort  4. Moss  5. Calvert

 

Date: 24/8/12
Location: Kings Road, Cardiff

Weather: Night rain
Extreme Rating: ****
Dangers: Step ladders, shelving units, rosemary banter, crumbling walls and slugs

Game Report: this Winner Stays On Power Play finally saw two of this year's Cardiff favourites come together - Webster and Murray. As stepladders, shelving units  and Rosemary Banter were used to increase the extreme levels both Murray and Webster rose to the occasion. Newcomber Calvert put a brave showing but this was top level Extreme Boule. Moss struggled to come to terms with the short games, Wort snuck a few victories but the evening belong to Webster and Murray. Murray eventually sneaked it by the narrowest of margins but both will be flying up the World Rankings. 4

Moss attempts a tricky stepladder round



Webster takes aim at a precariously placed jack

The players discuss tac tics after a difficult shelving unit round

 

Moss reigns supreme when Port Time is called

Moss    12        Wort    3         Murray     2  

 

Date: 206/8/12
Location: Pontcanna Fields, Cardiff

Weather: Dreary rain.
Extreme Rating: ***
Dangers & Annoyances: Rain.

Game Report: On a rain sodden evening the parks of Cardiff once more saw Messrs Murray, Wort and Moss do battle. Murray ,who's boule career is back on an upward curve, was the hot favourite. Meanwhile Wort and Moss (both ranked outside the top 15) seemed to be mere points fodder for Murray. The game started tightly with each player snatching odd points. Then Moss switched tac tics in a stroke of genius. Calling upon Port Time,  Moss played to his strengths confounding both Murray and Wort. Furthermore knowing that the game was to end on the unknown arrival time of Webster, Moss stalled  proceedings by serving up liberal portions of Frenchman's Prerogative. Moss finished on a flourish by offering double points in the final round, thus jepardising his lead, only to bag all the bonus points himself. Bravo!

Murray and Moss warm up before the match

Murray's Masterclass

J. MURRAY 21    T. WORT 13      S. MOSS 11

Date: 20/7/12
Location: Pontcanna Fields, Cardiff

Weather: Delicious sunshine.
Extreme Rating: ***

Dangers & Annoyances: Bad fortified wine

Game report

Murray's comeback continued in style with a comprehensive victory over Wort and Moss in a classic first to 21 long player. A variety of rounds including a nerve shredding Collinsons round produced some boule playing of the highest quality. Murray and Wort mastered the art of Concubining the boule, whilst Moss showed glimpses of a talent many thought lost. However the truth is written in the scoreline - Murray was in superior form and smashed his opponents into the turf. Indeed the shot that clinched the 21 points was of such super natural quality that both Wort and Moss discarded their remaining boules (an act known as calling Old Westminster), knowing there was no way of beating Murray when he's in this kind of form. Murray is the king of the Cardiff scene, but can he be World Champion?



Murray Returns!

J. MURRAY 11 - 3 T. WORT

Date: 20/7/12
Location: Pontcanna Fields, Cardiff

Weather: Welcome back sun
Extreme Rating: ***
Dangers & Annoyances: The possibility of a dog stealing the jack.
Result:
1. J. Murray 11
2. T. Wort  3

Match Report
On a sloping pitch with a nobbly tree Jim Murray announced his return to the Extreme Boule world in style. Wort, currently struggling with bad form, was eager to climb back up the rankings but Murray crushed his dream with some scintillating extreme boule. Having honed his skills on the Channel Islands, Murray amazed all with a sublime 15m kisser - a definite contender for Shot of the Season - and walked away an easy victory.

Webster - the new wonder of Extreme Boule?

Date: 26/6/12
Location: The Gravel Dome, Cardiff
Weather: Plentiful sun
Extreme Rating: **
Dangers & Annoyances: Cat poo, hot coals
Result: 1st T. Webster (6 points) 2nd T. Wort (0 points)
Match Report: Having dispatched of Seb Moss in his previous match, Tom Webster, a new face on the Extreme Boule scene, continued his impressive form by crushing another established extreme bouler. Wort couldn't get into the game as Webster dominated the jack and walked away with an easy victory and into a bright bouling future...

Woodland Special

Date: June 2012
Location: Woodlands, South Wales
Weather: BBQ Sun
Extreme Rating: *******
Dangers & Annoyances: Woodland nuisances
Result: 1st T. Webster (6 points) 2nd S. Moss (4 point)
Match Report: This game result has floated into our hands from a distant woodland from a month or so ago. Veteran bouler Moss announced it to be the most extreme game he has ever played involving gullies and waterfalls. Rookie Webster takes all the credits and looks a hot bet for 2012.

Exclusive Interview - Stan Charles

He was there at the beginning of Extreme Boule and he still graces the game from time to time like an owlman returning to a favourite graveyard haunt. Some think of him as a relic from a bygone era, grasping at port and calling out to Hornblower, but the World Rankings would beg to differ..... Currently nestled in the top 10 Stan Charles could be this year's World Champion! We sent a reporter to find out more from this legend of the sport.

Reporter: You are back, some say from the dead. Who do you think will win the 2012 World title? You?
Stan Charles: I may be back, i may also be dead, but only the wibbly wobbly scoring system of the great extreme-world-extreme-championship-world-wibbly-extreme-wobbly-world-extreme-world-championships-of-the-extreme-world-championship-extreme-boule can dictate an extreme world champion

You are one of a handful of players to play 4 different world champions: Jean Baptiste Gresssier, James Perrot, Grandad John, Darren Woolridge. What makes a world champion special?
The ability to read George & Lynne whilst swigging fortified wine and playing the perfect shot.

George and Lynne - a World Champions choice?

What percentage of your game is mental, physical and spirtual?
1% mental, 99% physical and 100% spiritual. Too easy.

If you had to liken your style of play to an animal, vegetable and mineral, which would you choose and why?
I say Mineral, of course. I'm a trained Actor don't you know.

Ben Fogle - a big influence on Stan Charles

What has been the greatest influence on your Extreme Boule career?
 Ben Fogle wearing a papier mache rabbit head whilst reading George&Lynne and swigging fortified wine is an image that will stay with me for the rest of my short life.

Seb Moss - if he didn't exist it would be necessary for the Extreme Boule Administration department to create him. Discuss.
I believe you did, in a ruse to lull us all into a false sense of security, only to awaken shivering and screaming on the operating table as he dons his leather gauntlets.

Stan Charles - 1% mental, 99% physical and 100% spiritual

Finally, who would you like to play in your dream Extreme Boule match and where would you play it?
Gerard Depardieu, the 3 bears out of the donkey rhubarb video and Brian Blessed in a rolling match, starting at the worlds highest point (the summit of Mt. Everest 8,848m above sea level, Geography fans), finishing at the worlds lowest point (the Marianas Trench 10,994m below sea level) giving a total descent of 19,842m! Extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeme!

Mike Hopkins - Current World Number One

"If your fellow players don't respect you it means nothing"

Mike Hopkins, World Number One. If you had uttered this sentence in 2011 you would have been labelled a dreamer, mad or simply unbalanced. Hopkins ended 2011 in 8th and was labelled as having 'a rubbish throw' and of being 'no concern' to the top pro's by Balance Boy B. Martin (http://extremeboules.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/sw19-balance-boys-triumph.html)

Fast  forward to 2012 and Hopkins sits with the most impressive stats in the league. Having defeated 77% of opponents with a win ratio of 55.6% Hopkins is showing the type of form that made Woolridge world champ in 2011 (see stats below). How's he done it? Intense training programme? Has the magic rubbed off of fellow London boulers Woolridge and Martin? Has he sold his soul at the crossroads in Llandovery? Or exchange a delicious loaf for his boule abilities with a certain lady in a certain lake  (http://www.myddfai.com/lady-of-llyn.aspx)? Who knows - all that is certain is that Hopkins is the hottest thing in Extreme Boule right now. Sit back and enjoy this interview with the man himself....

Q1: How has your life changed since you hit that number one spot?

A: Not massively, I've tried to keep a low profile and stay focused on what matters, holding onto the top spot. It's easy to get distracted with the fame, celebrity parties and yes the groupies, but I know that there is always someone out there trainin' real hard so they can take my place, I've seen Rocky 3 and I don't want to get Clubber Lang'd.

Q2: You're from the same Extreme Boule London scene that spawned the titans Woolridge and Martin. What have you got to say to you're old rivals, who seem to be struggling in 2012?

A: They got cocky, simple as that, it was all about the dollar bill for them and the title went to their heads.

"You can only be chmapion if you are at peace with yourself"

Q3: When playing boule, in terms of percentage, how much is your play Physical, Mental and Spiritual?

A: You need to be in peak physical fitness, and hand eye co-ordination is paramount to accuracy on the extreme boule field (a few ales can help this), but if you're not well mentally (and some Boule players on the circuit really are not) no amount of practice, natural talent and skill is going to help you. You can only be a true Boule champion if you are at peace with yourself. So to answer your question I would say 32%, 35%, 33%.

Q4: You're well known for your accuracy of shot. Do you visualise mythical animals during your targetting of the jack?

A: I don't understand the question.

Q5: Mike Hopkins, the Gentleman of Extreme Boule. Discuss.

A: It's a nice accolade to be sure. Out there it's tempting to use any tactics possible to get the win, but if your fellow players don't respect you it means nothing.

Q6: Finally are there any special moves you've got up your sleeve to retain that Number One spot?

A: My trainer and I have been working hard and I'll be ready to defend the title next time anyone wants to challenge it, but that's all I can say for now.

"I'll be ready to defend the title"

Inside the Stats

                                            Darren Woolridge 2011                       Mike Hopkins 2012

Win Ratio:                                          54.5%                                               55.6%

% of opponents defeated:               84.4%                                               76.7%

% of points taken in a game:           47.5%                                               27.9%

As everyone knows  statistics never lie - Hopkins 2012 version is matching the 2011 World Champs stats in terms of matches won and opponents defeated. However it is clear Hopkins has yet to learn how to annilate opponents and take most of the games points as Woolridge did so often in 2011.

Street Boule

Date: 1/6/12
Location: Market Place, Cardiff
Weather: Rain at night
Extreme Rating: *****
Dangers & Annoyances: Traffic, rain, storm drains, kerbs and parked cars.
Result: 1st T. Wort (3 points) 2nd S. Moss (1 point)
Match Report: Continuing the current craze for Urban or Street Boule, old rivals T. Wort and S. Moss battled it out in a rain soaked match in the dark on the street outside Chapter Arts Centre. Extreme! A close match utlimately boiled down to T. Wort's better understanding of Camber Dynamics and Kerb Trajectories.

Urban Power Play Knockout Challenge

Date: 1/6/12
Location: Kings Road, Cardiff
Weather: Rain.
Extreme Rating: ****
Dangers & Annoyances: Ale customers, traffic, umbrellas and rain
Result:
1. L. Cranshaw 2. J. Ossett 3. M. Wort 4 =. R. Waterman, T. Wort, P. Cox, L. Thomas

Match Report: As the rain lashed down on Kings Road, Cardiff, so the players gathered for an Extreme Boule Urban Power Play Knockout Challenge. Fueled by Artisan beer, the boule crashed and plopped over the puddle rich concrete, entertaining an elderly onlooker . Experience boulers Waterman, Cox and T. Wort struggled in the urban conditions. Rookie L. Cranshaw took the honours and is now recognised as the hottest talent in Urban Extreme Boule right now.

Current World Rankings - Top 20

The Current Top 20 in the World

Below is the current Top 20 in the World, along with their Rattenbury Points.

1.  M. Hopkins             10.200
2. G. Thomas                 8.688
3. P. Cox                        7.217
4. R. Waterman              6. 438
5. J. Cooke                     6.000
6. S. Murphy                  5.789
7. D. Woolridge             5.560
8. S. Charles                  5.555
9. M. Wort                     5.159
10. T. Wort                    5.125
11. B. Martin                 4.986
12. P. O'Brien                4.850
13. S. Jones                    4.850
14. S. Moss                    4.044
15. C. Davies                 3.160
16. J. Murray                 2.830
17. E. Roberts                2.250
18. G. Burrows              2.100
19. A. Betts                    1.750
20. C. Walton                 1.313

Mike Hopkins - the Current World Number One

Halfway Bouleathon

A weekend's Extreme Boule Extravaganza in Halfway, Llandovery saw some of the hottest, extreme boule action of 2012. A host of players battled it out over three days, with various Extreme Boule disciplines testing the nerves, courage, accuracy, and troll shattering abilities of those who took up the Extreme Challenge. The game results are reported below. Of note are the Lady of the Lake Cup Challenge at Llyn y Fan Fach which involved 15 stars of the game, and the radical innovation of the Eliminator - an Extreme Boule game format which is likely to be quickly adopted by 'kids' on the 'street'.

The undoubted stars of the weekend were Mike Hopkins and Gwen Thomas. Hopkins took on all opponents , in all Extreme disciplines, and completely shattered this years World Rankings to pieces. Regarded by some as the second coming of James Perrot, early on Hopkins was almost booed out of the game following a disgusting episode of 'emptying his pockets'. However, with a redemptive 'gifting of the jack' in the following crucial game, Hopkins redeemed himself - earning himself the nickname 'The Gentleman of Extreme Boule' in the process. A annerving accuracy and a lack of sass mouth had the fans cooing Hopkins name into the Welsh hills. How Hopkins more illustrious London rivals Woolridge and Martin respond is the hot topic in many Extreme Boule discussions right now.

Gwen Thomas, a living legend and regarded as the 'Godmother of Extreme Boule', returned to a rich vein of form. Highlight of the weekend for many neutrals was Thomas' elegant run to the Lady of the Lake Cup final and her absolute demolition of experienced boulers Waterman and T. Wort.

Stan Charles returned to walk amongst us. Once touched by Jean Baptiste Gressier, Charles gave us a glimp of what he's capable of, before descending into Hot Bloody Mary oblivion. Pippa Cox sassed her way to dominating the Eliminator Challenge and put herself back in contention for the number one spot. Rich Waterman, The Wizard of Edale, remained unfazed and scored solidly, particularly when playing near a mermaid. Sioned Jones made her return to the Extreme Boule scene and rookies Jim Cooke and Emlyn Roberts brought a fresh faced zeal to proceedings and will surely have a bright future in THE sport of 2012.

Game Results

Extreme Rating:  **** to *********
Dangers & Annoyances: The Lady of the Lake

Friday Night Meltdown
1. D. Woolridge     11
2. T. Wort               10
3. S. Moss               9

G. Thomas Comeback
1. G. Thomas          6
2. E. Roberts           1
3. T. Wort               0
4. R. Waterman      0

The Gentleman of Boule
1. M. Hopkins        11
2. S. Moss               9
3. T. Wort               8
4. D. Woolridge      3

Summoning the Lady of the Lake
1. R. Waterman      7
2. S. Moss              4
3. T. Wort              3
4. P. Cox                2

Llyn y Fan Fach Cup Challenge
1. M. Hopkins     
2. G. Thomas
3. D. Woolridge
4. M. Wort
5. R. Waterman
5. J. Cooke
5. S. Jones
5. S. Murphy
9. T. Wort
9. E. Roberts
9. S. Moss
9. N. Moss
9. K. Harrison
9. P. Cox
9. C. Davies

Big Hill Game
1. T. Wort            16
2. R. Waterman    11
3. M. Hopkins       3
4. D. Woolridge    2

Trout Farm Jack Chasing
1. M. Hopkins      16
2. S. Moss            12
2. T. Wort            12
4. D. Woolridge   8

Eliminator 1
1. M. Hopkins
2. P. Cox
3. R. Waterman
4.T. Wort
5. S. Moss
6. C. Davies
7. D. Woolridge
8. S. Murphy

Eliminator 2
1. P. Cox  
2. T. Wort
3. R. Waterman
4. S. Moss
5. D. Woolridge
6. M. Hopkins
7. C. Davies

Eliminator 3
1. T. Wort
2. S. Charles
3. S. Moss
4. J. Cooke
5. D. Woolridge
6. P. Cox
7. R. Waterman

Prestige
1. M. Hopkins          6
2. D. Woolridge       3
3. T. Wort                2
4. G. Thomas           1

Mr Grubby Paws
1. T. Wort               6
2. D. Woolridge      5
3. G. Thomas          3
4. S. Moss               2
5. S. Charles           1

Phew....

Ecstasy!

The weekend saw some of the hottest boule action this season. Perhaps ever.

Urban Boule Power Play

Date: 28/4/12
Location: Lloyd George Avenue, Cardiff  Bay
Weather: Night wind.
Extreme Rating: ****
Dangers & Annoyances: Traffic. People of the night. Missing our lift.
Result: 1st Wort 2nd Moss

Match Report: On an incredibly windy night Wort took on Moss in a pioneering Urban Boule showdown. Playing next to a busy road with the clock approaching midnight, the game was illuminated by street light.  With no grass in sight, the boule cracked and rolled along the concrete. The weather was atrocious and the terrain hard to gauge. In a short power play, Wort walked away victorious leaving Moss floundering in the wind.

Lloyd George Avenue by day.

Clapham Common Spousal Smackdown

29th March 2012
Clapham Common

Results:

D. Woolridge: 11
S. Murphy: 5
(note to boules administration, scores already counted)

Another devastating win for Woolridge.

World Rankings - Top 10

The Current Top 10 in the World of Extreme Boule

Rattenbury Points
1. P. O' Brien 6.450
2. S. Murphy 6.264
3. D. Woolridge 5.900
4. B. Martin 5.243
5. S. Moss 4.488
6. T. Wort 4.302
7. R. Waterman 4.150
8. M. Wort 3.928
9. P. Cox 3.800
10. A. Betts 3.550

Extreme Boule Weekend

Date: 13-15/04/12
Location: Cardiff and Tongwynlais
BeaconsWeather: Spring sunshine
Extreme Rating: ** through to *****
Dangers & Annoyances: Over indulgence. Wild garlic poisoning.
Consumables: So much ale, wine, strong continental beer, home made wine, spaghetti, oil, pansnakes, super beans.

Results: Over a weekend in Cardiff, a number of impressive games were played, including high precision show downs in the Gravel Dome and some extreme woodland play in Tongwnlais. M. Wort came close, T. Wort dazzled with some accuracy, D. Woolridge returned to the form that made him World Champion and S. Murphy smashed the World Rankings to peices with some tremendous play!

Gravel Dome Night Match
1. D. Woolridge 6
2. S. Murphy 5
3. T. Wort 2
4. M. Wort 1

Gravel Dome Morning Match
1. S. Murphy 7
2. D. Woolridge 6
3. T. Wort 5

Fforest Fawr Power Play
1. S. Murphy 3
2. M. Wort 1

Fforest Fawr Power Play 2
1. T. Wort 3
2. D. Woolridge 2

Wild Garlic Odyssey
1. T. Wort 21
2. D. Woolridge 16

Bluebell Delight
1. D. Woolridge 21
2. T. Wort 20

Dinocroc Match
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 5

Supergator Match
1. T. Wort 11
2. D. Woolridge 8

Spaghetti Feast Show Down
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 2

Super Beans Go
1. D. Woolridge 11
2. T. Wort 10

Pansnake Face Off
1. D. Woolridge 11
2. T. Wort 6

Fizzies Match
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 7

Paracetamol Play Off
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 8

Gravel Dome Meltdown
1. S. Murphy 6
2. D. Woolridge 5
3. T. Wort 4
4. M. Wort 2

Four Peaks Challenge - Battle of the Beakies

Date: 12/04/12
Location: Brecon Beacons
Weather: Warm and very clear (you could see England from Pen y Fan!)
Extreme Rating: ******

Dangers & Annoyances: The drop off the edge - retrieval of boule could possibly take all day.

Consumables: Ploughman's roll and penguins.

Result: On a sensational day T. Wort took on M. Wort over four peaks in the Brecon Beakies. The breathtaking views helped to summon some exciting boule. Each peak bore witness to an intense micro game. M. Wort clearly could handle the altitude better claiming the Four Peaks Challenge 3 games to 1.

Cribyn(795m) Champion: T. WortPen y Fan (886m) Champion: M. Wort

Twyn Mwyalchod (642m) Champion: M. Wort

Corn Du (873m) Champion: M. Wort

Current World Rankings - Top 10.

1. P. O' Brien
2. P. Cox
3. A. Betts
4. B. Martin
5. R. Waterman
6. T. Wort
7. S. Moss
8. D. Woolridge
9. C. Davies
10. J. Murray

The new number One is P. O'Brien. Little is known of this Extreme Boule newcomer but they smashed straight into the number one spot. Ben Martin will be gutted - he's closed the gap on Betts and Cox to a fraction of point and was hotly tipped to be the new number one if he won his next game.... Woolridge has started a slow creep up the table with Waterman heading in the opposite direction. Journey men Boulers Moss and T. Wort are refusing to budge from the top 10, whilst sass mouth Catrin Davies is still hanging on in there. Murray has overcome some terrible form to appear in the top 10 for the first time in 2012.

Positions 11 to 18: 11. M. O'Brien, 12. M. Wort, 13. S. Murphy, 14. C. Walton, 15. M. Murphy, 16. D. Murphy, 17. I. Thomas, 18. M. Hopkins

Slop Bog Incendiary Match

Date: 08/04/12

Location: Slop Bog Conservation Area, Dorset.
Weather: Pleasant, Dusky Conditions.
Extreme Rating: ***
Dangers & Annoyances: Bonfire.
Consumables: Ale, JP's (Jacket Potatoes), Cheese, Wine.

Results:

P. O'Brien: 8

D. Woolridge: 6
S. Murphy: 2

M. O'Brien: 2

M. Murphy: 1

D. Murphy: 0

Match Report:

A dusk match with a lot at stake. During play last nights bonfire re-ignited! A testament to how on-fire the boule playing was. Basked in the heat of the flame, six players with an average age of 48 battled it out by torchlight. Their collective Boule experience clearly visible for all the bats of Slop Bog to see. P. O'Brien enjoyed a quick succesion of highly accurate plays which won him first place.

St. James' Sitting Match

Date: 01/04/12

Location: St. James' Park - London
Weather: Lovely.
Extreme Rating: *
Dangers & Annoyances: Ale Hangover.
Consumables: None.

Results:

D. Woolridge: 11
T. Wort: 10
S. Murphy: 9

Match Report:

After a bombastic evening chugging ale in Wandsworth, the match was played entirely from seated poses. A subdued, pleasant match played out with plenty of Moon Pies a nest match and a sweet Double Kisser to win the match from Woolridge.

Y Mochyn Du Show Case Event

Date: 30/03/12
Location: Mochyn Du Garden, Cardiff
Weather: A warm evening
Extreme Rating: *

Dangers & Annoyances: Us

Consumables: Fine ale and slightly less fine port

Results:

T. Wort : Played 4, Won 4

S. Moss: Played 4, Won 2

J. Murray: Played 4, Won 2

C. Walton: Played 4, Won 1

C. Williams: Played 4, Won 1

A show case event in the garden of the Mochyn Du pub drew a large crowd for an evening's worth of games. Murray was looking to capture his form of 2011 but it is very clear he is struggling to translate his natural razzmazztazz into any sort of Extreme Boule form at the moment - a loss to new comer C. Walton compounded his woes. Wort and Moss played out the game of the evening and were likened by some to the Harlem Globetrotters of the Extreme Boule World. Moss, powered by cheap port, played some fine shots. Wort was keen to prove his relevance in the modern era and seemed to shrug off the 'Cats licked your bacon' style of play that has hounded him recently and walked away with the wizard's share of the points.

Current World Rankings

The latest Top 10 in the Extreme Boule World Rankings

1. P. Cox
2. A. Betts
3. R. Waterman
4. B. Martin
5. C. Davies
6. S. Moss
7. T. Wort
8. M. Wort
9. D. Woolridge
10. I. Thomas

Ben Martin is rising fast up the table and really building up a solid average score. Catrin Davies has crashed into the Top 5 in style. However 2011 Champion Darren Woolridge is way down, lurking in 9th, and really needs a change in fortune. Most importantly unless the Top 3 play soon, they will lose their grip on their places and Martin looks ready to pounce on that Number One spot!

Royal Honey Keeper Match

Date: 22/03/12

Location: St. James' Park - London
Weather: Hotting Up!
Extreme Rating: ***
Dangers & Annoyances: Undesirables. Lack of consumables.
Consumables: None.

Results:

Match One:

B. Martin (aka Balance Boy): 11

D. Woolridge: 3

Match Two:

D. Woolridge: 11

B. Martin (aka Balance Boy): 7

Match Three:

B. Martin (aka Balance Boy): 11

D. Woolridge: 5

"It's the soil! It's impossible" - D. Woolridge

Match Report:

Woolridge tries to get back some credibility by taking on Martin again. Fails terribly.

The first match see's Martin in a 7 to 0 lead over Woolridge. Every time Woolridge saw a glimmer of hope it was dashed away from him. Martin smashed his Kissers, reset the pitch and stole the gifts. Woolridge didn't stand a chance.

Match two of the evening. Martin is panicked by a phone call. Woolridge saw his chance and quickly broke into the lead. Martin so flustered by whatever transpired on the telephone, that he committed a mortal sin in the Boule world. To protect his own kisser, he let his final Boule drop, cowardly from his pockets instead of playing by the gentleman's code. The boo's and jeers from the crowd seemed like punishment enough for Martin, who went pale on realisation of his faux-pas.

Match three saw Martin taking a grip again. Events of "the" phone-call pushed to the back of his mind. His playing was (as a member of the audience shouted) Off-The-Hook. Three Boules closet to the Jack combined with a kisser was surely shot of the match and saw Martin take his second victory of the evening.

Boule Nest

Gift Snatcher's delight.

Balancing?

Hey Man! Sweet Kisser!

Kisser, Kisser.