Social Distancing Extreme Boule

Exciting Extreme Boule news from Scotland where we have records sent through of (possibly) the 1st game of social distancing Covid Boule. The details are scarce but the results is as follows:

1. Matt 'Carrier' Keast  - 7 
2. Stanley 'Infectious' Topalian  - 5
3. Lucy 'Dry Cough' Topalian  - 2

Special mention to Rowan '2 Metres' Topalian for acting as a Jack God.

Unfortunately due to an administrative error we have no photo of the game, but instead have this highly accurate artists depiction of Keast's crucial shot of the game.

An absence of recording and social media, but not an absence of Extreme Boule.

A boule clatters into the pebbles, its rusted shell apathetic to the presence of the nearby Jack despite the vocal urges of its launcher. A primordial shout, then a wizened sigh. There will be another chance soon. 

Another boule skids off the seaweed heading further and further away from the jack, nestling in the bladderwrack. Both now temporary abandoned, briefly unloved - the seaweed by the tide, the boule by its deliverer.

The Jack sits on the shingle nestled near a cracked limpet shell, a hollowed whelk and a patch of egg wreck. These are it's only companions. No boule are near, as all previous shotss are poor, just botchy boule you might say. The next player takes aim, with the jack sat in acres of space there is so much to aim for, so much to hope for. A gift is waiting to be snatched. Their hand clutches the boule, preparing for his next shot. There is a slight quiver in their arm - like a mother elephant gently caressing her calf with her trunk. The player nurtures the boule, waiting for the time to be right to launch the boule

An oyster catcher calls out  - is that Gressier sending support? The Lochs surface shimmers with a grey foreboding- Hornblowers spirit is there. The lichen covered rocks briefly take the form of Gwen Thomas, offering encouragement and a seal pops it head of the water - Woolridge is watching. The jackdaw on the harbour wall is now Hopkins, a dog Walker transforms into Pippa Waterman, the anemone clasping to the rock is Perrot. On the limestone pebbles the face of Grandad John Gillard forms, quickly shifting to Richard Waterman as the light chances. The history of extreme boule is etched into the landscape, whispering, urging, knowing. The player, Stanley Topalian, knows this. He looks to the jack, 12m away. Thoughts race through his head…  the terrain is uneven and unpredictable. Perhaps the limpet shell could act as a backstop, guiding the boule towards the jack? Maybe the raft of seaweed looks promising. It is a good 3m from the jack but would catch the boule, securing the boule.  No one else’s boule are anywhere near, so this would win the round. It would be  a safe shot and an easy point -  a gift offered and taken.

Topalian looks around, his thoughts uneasy. The safety shot, the easy point doesn’t feel right. He looks up - the lichen is now just lichen, the pebbles expressionless, the water calm, the seal gone. The gods, the heroes of the past, they have all left him now. The safety shot to the seaweed it is – no glory but an easy point will be his. He looks at his boule ready to launch. He passes for a second, as a slight reflection on the boule catches his eye. He peers at the metal orb, rusted from years of use but still reflective in patches. Was the boule used in the famous James Perrot Ham House match? Maybe it was one of the ones launched from the top of a Brecon Beacon? Did Balance Boy Ben Martin once polish it before decadently launching towards a jack? Perhaps it was even present in one of those pioneering graveyards matches almost 2 decades ago? If only boule could talk, Topalian thought. He stared at the boule. His own haggard catweazley expression reflected back at him. But what was this? His reflection began to morph – his eyes were now longer mildewy and tired but chestnut brown and alive with promise. His hair and beard glistened like a fresh conker and skin was now bronzed and, well, French. It was no longer his reflection. He was staring at Jean Baptiste Gressier. It was the Extreme Boule pioneer, part man part God, unheard of for almost 15 years,  starring back at him. Gressier’s succulent red lips pursed, a drop of golden spittle glistening in  the corner of his mouth. It looked as if he was about to blow a kiss -  Topalians heart raced. The sweet taste of port flooded Topalian’s mouth and yet it was hours since his morning gulp - what was happening to him?

Gressier mouthed those words, unprintable but all too real to Topalian.

Topalian didn't understand French but he knew what to do. No safety shot. No easy point. By Gressier, he was going to land his boule directly by the jack. NO, he was going to land on the jack. An exquisite kisser -  a dream of a shot. This terrain could be tamed. These conditions mastered. This would be a  shot that would be talked about for months, years even. 

He swung his arm and released. The boule arced through the air. Could it land directly on top of the jack and balance there? Would it be the greatest shot ever?

The boule the shingle with a thud 5 metres from the jack, smacking into an iron bru can, tossed up in the previous high tide. It ricocheted crudely to left away from the jack bouncing past a discarded plastic spoon . It was already a complete cynt of a shot. On it rolled further from the jack, over the sand past a used tissue, past an opponent's boule, then another. A slight change of direction on touching the broken buckfast bottle, and the jack long out of reach now.  On it trundled, pass the final opponent’s boule to finally nestle in a dog turd, or possibly human judging by its sizeable girth.

The round was over and the point was lost. Dejected Topalian walked the walk of shame to collect this abject failure of a shot. Why had Gressier and the other boule legends forsaken him? Had all the omens meant nothing? He picked up the boule. As he wiped the fecal matter off on a wheat crunchie packet, he caught site of the reflection in the boule again- it was Gressier, slightly browned, but still Gressier. A broad French smile spread across the face in the boule, vibrant through the shit. Topalian understood. This was true meaning of it all. This was Extreme Boule. 

2015 UK Extreme Boule Champion

The 2015 UK Extreme Boule Champion is.....

Pippa Waterman

Pippa Waterman clutches the Extreme Boule Championship trophy

"From the greatest storms comes the strongest tuna. But when there is calm, then you see the finest fish."
Old Norwegian Proverb

And so it is will Extreme Boule. Previous seasons have raged, tipped dangerously on the precipice and spawned world champions ,who have risen through the turmoil, and countless administration blunders to reach the top spot. However this season has been, well, peaceful.
Of course there has been some extreme battles, from the Shetland Isles to the earthworks of Dorset, from the wild sands of Aberdyfi to the White Horses of Wiltshire, from the moonlit lawns of Southbourne to the living rooms of Pont-y-clun.
But now there is calm - a serene sense that comes with universal agreement that this years champion is the best of the best. Congratulations Pippa Waterman, UK Extreme Boule Champion 2015!

New number one on the leaderboard!

Pippa Cox has stormed to the number one spot, with 4 months of the season remaining.
Known as the Eliminator, Could she be the first female Extreme Boule champion?

Current rankings can be found here: http://extremeboules.blogspot.co.uk/p/world-rankings-current-top-20.html

 

 

Pippa Cox - the facts

Career % Win: 33%

Opponents defeated in career: 43

2012 Ranking: 2nd

2013 Ranking: 3rd

2014 Ranking: 39th

 

Knowlton Extreme Boule

Knowlton Church and Earthworks

Knowlton Church and Earthworks has a rich and unsettling history. This is a place where the ruins of a 12th century church sits right in the middle of a Neolithic earth work. It is where Christianity and paganism mingle, with the old ways winning it seems. The once nearby village was wiped out during the black death leaving only these remains, including the ancient yew trees. It is reputedly the most haunted place in Dorset, a living Pagan shrine. The earth ring that surrounds the church is said to keep the unwanted spirits in the rather than out!

Perfect for a round of extreme boule then.

Boule nestle in the ruins

Darren Woolridge took on Tim Wort amongst the ruins, both players employing a Jack God. A close battled ensued, Wort claiming his points in clusters, Woolridge more consistent in his approach.

It has to be said that Woolridge has struggled to find boule gold ever since winning the championship in 2011. In those halcyon days he served up the finest trifle in the land when it came to extreme bouling - in the years that have followed it has been more like offerings of stale jelly haphazardly speared by sponge fingers.

A pesky ghoul that has reputedly been seen at Knowlton. Interestingly it seems to be playing boule.

 

Boule gather under some ghostly lichen.

Wort has extreme bouled forever and plays with the deluded glaze of a man who thinks this year could be the one. It won't. Whisper it quietly but Woolridge is playing like the 2011 version- the accuracy it there, both the short and long game are honed and the nerve is strong. In the end Woolridge outwitted Wort and the ghosts of Knowlton, employing a new move in the process, Spectral Spin, to claim a victory which just could be a  launch pad to reclaiming the title and all the glory that brings.



What is probably a ghost, looks down on a boule round, which incidentally landed in ectoplasm.

Aberdyfi Show Down

Kate Robinson launches a long shot on the unforgiving sands of Aberdyfi

Ten of the finest extreme boulers around gathered on the West Wales coast for a series of extreme show downs. Bouling down sand dunes, over wet sands, in mud flats and through rock pools this was a test of mental fortitude as well as skill.
The Godmother of extreme boule, Gwen Thomas, had the short game nailed, but lacked the distant shots. Catrin Hughes, an almost World Champion two years ago, showed glimpses of undoubted skill whilst rookie, Ed Hughes held his nerve well amongst the big guns. Sioned Jones, consistent as ever, could be an outside bet for this years title whilst Kate Robinson looked impressive duelling in the rock pools. Mei Howells, who developed his posture in nearby Aberystwyth surprisingly struggled along with training partner Fran.

Players attempt to master the mud flat suction conundrum

The biggest shock came with two time Champion, Rich Waterman, who played nadly throughout. Waterman looks a like a man haunted by the fame and prestige his titles have brought him-  he was a shell of the player the fans have come to expect.

Boule and rock. Rock and boule.

However two players shone most brightly during the event. Geraint Burrows continued his glorious 2015 playing the low tide sands like a banjo - he is now a serious contender. But the biggest news is the player who has climbed to the number one spot in the rankings after dominating the Eliminator competition - Pippa Cox. She has come so close to being champion before - could 2015 be her year?

The Battle of the White Horse

The White Horse at Alton Barnes

This was a match sprinkled with some star dust – two world champions doing battle under the gaze of a giant chalk white horse, surrounded by burial mounds. If Darren Woolridge (2011 World Champion) and the Wizard of Edale himself, Rich Waterman (2013 and 2014 World Champion) were the port and fine cheese at this boule lunch, then journeymen boulers Seb Moss and Tim Wort were very much the slightly stale pork pie –  always present but surely not likely to anyone’s pick off this menu. But what was the glass jar filled with an unknown condiment marked X on offer? That was Huw Walters, a man who has bouled since the beginning of time but, incredibly, has never graced an official extreme boule match. He was an unknown quantity.

Waterman and Woolridge collect boule under the malignant gaze of the White Horse

 

As the White Horse of Alton Barnes looked down, the players bouled over meadow, tussock, hill and hole. The going was tough, but it always is, when dreams are there to be made.

 

Seb Moss contemplates his next move whilst sitting on the White Horse's eye

Wort crumbled, a shadow of the player who once duelled with Jean Baptiste Gressier, finishing scoreless. Woolridge, more shockingly, also finished scoreless, a man still haunted by the ghosts of 2011 it seems. Debutant Walters, impressed, his command of the turf impressive, irrespective of his constant desire for a more sandy terrain. Surely that leaves Waterman as the winner? Not this time. This was Seb Moss final match in the Northern Hemisphere before being deported to Australia. Moss has bouled for a decade, yet you can count his victories on one seven fingered hand. But on this day the boule gods smiled upon him. His aim was reminiscent of a young Perrot, his subtlety of touch like Gressier in his prime and he carried the luck of Grandad John. He commanded the field, playing the best boule of his career. He pleased the White Horse and this was the match of his life.

1.       Seb Moss

2.       Huw Walters

3.       Rich Waterman

5.       Darren Woolridge

5.    Tim Wort

Burrow's Masterclass

G. Burrows   21
T. Wort          5

This was a first to 21 long player on  Wort's home ground, Burrows having travelled from Oxfordshire. A quick check of the record books shows Burrows had never beaten Wort. In fact he had never before scored 21 - Wort has on 11 occasions.This was surely as predictable as an Extreme Boule match can get?

Burrow's takes aim

The terrain was lumpy, the turf producing unforgiving, unpredictable bounces. Whoever could adjust first was sure to take the spoils.
Burrows edged into a 6-4 lead, the ale easing his progression, flattening the uneven turf in his mind's eye. Then the decisive moment came. Burrows produced a glorious kisser near some bluebells, the cat very much licking his bacon. This was a psychological turning point for Wort - he was mentally deflated, retreating into a world of botchy boule. And so followed the best boule of Burrow's life - he scored 15 of the next 16 available points to cruise to an incredible 21-5 victory. For Burrow it means a jump up the World rankings, whilst Wort is left eating a pickled egg in a sauna.

Burrow's the 2015 World Champion? That doesn't show too far fetched on this showing!

Shetland Extreme Boule

Extreme Boule pioneers took the game to Shetland and did battle through sand and snow, day and night. The Charles brothers excelled, with Sam Charles claiming the honours. A dark horse in the world of Extreme Boule could this be a early stab at claiming the 2015 World Championships?

 

 

 

 

Geraint Burrows managed to play matches 2 weeks and over 800 miles apart, but ended up slipping down the World rankings.

Stan Charles - World Number One

After a series of exciting matches ranging from the Sands of Durley Chine to the wilds of Alston via the banks of the Thames, a new leader of the Extreme Boule World Championship has emerged.

Stan Charles has stunned Extreme Boule followers by transforming himself from Extreme Boule has-been to the current world number one. With only 5 months remaining of the season, can he hang on?
Seasoned professional Ben 'Balance Boy' Martin is hot in pursuit along with the experience bouler Dave Murphy. Stan's own mother, Mrs Charles is a suprise contender but if she gets the games in, she could be the World Champion. Emma Martin, the Queen of Snow Boule, seems to be holding out for more adverse conditions before staking her claim to the title. Hold onto your seats Extreme Boule fans, this years World Championship is going to be immense!

Current Top 5 in the World

1. S. Charles
2. D. Murphy
3. B. Martin
4. Mrs Charles
5. E. Martin

Stan Charles, 3rd from left, currently number one on the World

The Battle of Pen y Fan

T. Wort   3 - 2   M. Wort

Having journeyed to over 870m and into the clouds T. Wort took on the World Number One M. Wort in a mountain top battle. M. Wort quickly went into the lead, winning plaudits after using the Pen y Fan trig point as a jack. However a strategic bout of Frenchman's Prerogative by T. Wort and a snifter of coffee led to a complete reversal in fortunes which ended with T. Wort snatching the victory whilst staring into the abyss.

M. Wort launches a shot

Staring into the The Abyss

The Autumnal Review

Welcome to the The Extreme Boule Autumnal Review. As we move into the last 4 months of the season we take a breather from the hectic world of Extreme Boule to have a closer look at some of the favourites for this World Championship title. Odds for winning the championship have been supplied by the only person available, Seb Moss.

Mike Hopkins

 

The Gentleman of Boule
Those of you familar with the story of legendary bluesman Robert Johnson will see the unmistakeable parallels between Johnson and Hopkins. Both were average at their choosen pursuits (see Johnson prior to 1928, Hopkins in 2011) then both disappeared from the scene only to re-emerge with some of the finest playing ever scene. Johnson's transformation into a blues legend was attributed to a deal with the devil. Hopkins it has been noted turned on the flair after a trip to Extreme Boules own spiritual birthplace Llyn y Fan Fach - home to the Lady of the Lake. Did Hopkins obtain his boule powers after striking a deal with the lake dwelling harpie of the underworld? Who knows? What is certain is that Hopkin has played some of the finest boule seen in 2012. Johnson ended up revered but dead after being poisoned by a jealous rival (supposedly working for the devil). If Hopkins wins the 2012 title he will become a legend - but will he have to keep a closer eye on his ale?

Current Rank: 1st
2011 Rank: 8th
Odds to win 2012 title:  2 - 1

Gwen Thomas

The Godmother of Boule
A living legend in the Extreme Boule scene, Thomas has brought grace into the game. Smashing her way up the rankings after a glorious weekend in mid Wales, Thomas out played (and out classed) seasoned Extreme boulers Waterman, T. Wort, Moss AND the 2011 champion Woolridge. Having sparred with the greats including Jean Baptiste Gressier, Thomas should be quietly confident about being this years World Champion.

Current Rank: 2nd
2011 Rank: 16th
Odds: 9 -2

Tom Webster

The Boy Wonder
June 2012 - Webster unheard of, and yet to figure in any world rankings ever!
August 2012 - Webster, Number 3 in the World.
Webster smashed onto the scene in a game of legendary extremeness. Burying Seb Moss in a gully is one way to announce yourself onto the Extreme Boule scene and that's exactly what Webster did. Taking Moss apart on an extremely extreme terrain and then following it up by smashing T. Wort 6-0 in the Gravel Dome has woken to world up to Webster. Can he maintain it? Having gone on a training camp overseas who knows what his next move will be? Can he win the title? Only Webster can answer that.

Current Rank: 3rd
2011 Rank: n/a
Odds: 5 - 2

Pippa Cox

The Eliminator
The hot topic at the start of the season was Pippa Cox. Shooting straight to the number one spot and holding for a few months Cox certainly made a splash on the scene. Her playing style was admired by many and her sass mouth ruffled a few feathers. Doubt began to creep in as Cox slipped down the world rankings. Many believed she had peaked to soon and then Cox answered in style. The Eliminator form of Extreme Boule was pioneerd in May is certainly not for the faint hearted. Cox dominated it. Many experienced boulers quivered with fear as Cox shouted her now trademark call of "Eliminated! Eliminated! Eliminated!". She has flown back up the rankings is amongst the favourites for 2012.

Current Rank: 4th
2011 Rank: n/a
Odds: 4 - 1

Richard Waterman

 

The Wizard of Edale
Regarded as the most consistent Extreme Bouler on the scene, Waterman has not slipped from the top 10 in over a year. Not one to crash and burn Waterman will be up there at top end of the rankings come the end of season, but will he have a sprinkling of the necessary magic to be World Champion? If his proposed Mole Boule game plays comes off maybe he will.

Current Rank: 4th
2011 Rank: 6th
Odds: 4 - 1

 

Sam Murphy

The Mother of Extreme Boule (and Olive)
Having taking time out of an impressive Extreme Boule season to produce the next generation of Extreme Boule superstar, Murphy's chances for the title hang in the balance. Having clearly been inspired by the brief, yet brilliant, career of P. O' Brien, Murphy has the talent but has she got the desire?

Current Rank: 8th
2011 Rank: 14th
Odds:  8 - 1

Jim Murray

The Cardiff Maestro
 Refered to as the Anna Kournokova of the Extreme Boule World many regard Murray as fine player but one too involved with the 'Razzmazztazz' that comes with being a boule star. Undoubtedly the King of the Cardiff Scene Murray needs to prove his worth against some of the giants of the game in order to get the number one spot. One thing's for sure he doesn't lack courage when it comes to the Collinson Round and anyone who saw his 15m kisser earlier this year know he can produce some of the finest play around.

Current Rank: 5th
2011 Rank: 5th
Odds: 5 - 1

Darren Woolridge

The World Champion, The Gift Snatcher.
After a turbulent season it's a miracle Woolridge sits in the Top 8. Is the World Championship trophy that sits on his mantlepiece now a curse? All other World Champions have struggled to relive their glory days and some are even rumoured to dead or incapitated with port addictions. For every glimmer of his glorious 2010 form there have been setbacks. The crashing defeat by Balance Boy is one of the talked about events of 2012 and is yet to be avenged. Some say The Cat has licked Woolridge's bacon. Perhaps it's time for Woolridge to lick his own bacon and live the dream -  a second World title.

Current Rank: 7th 
2011 Rank: Champion
Odds: 3 - 1

Ben Martin

 

Balance Boy
The favourite at the beginning of the season, Balance Boy has gone quiet in recent months. Tactics? Fear? Who knows. What is certain is that no one creates a buzz on the Extreme Boule scene like Balance Boy. His demolition of defemding champion Woolridge and the celebratory cigar that followed is one of the most talked about moments of the season. Flash in the pan? Or 2012 World Champion? One thing is for sure, Balance Boy needs to hit the boule turf soon and win a few points before the fans loose faith.

Current Rank: 14th
2011 Rank: 2nd
Odds: 15 - 1

Other odds as supplied by S. Moss:

M. Wort:  59 - 6
L. Cranshaw:  201 - 10
P. O' Brien: 195 - 1
J. Ossett: 112 - 1

Mike Hopkins - Current World Number One

"If your fellow players don't respect you it means nothing"

Mike Hopkins, World Number One. If you had uttered this sentence in 2011 you would have been labelled a dreamer, mad or simply unbalanced. Hopkins ended 2011 in 8th and was labelled as having 'a rubbish throw' and of being 'no concern' to the top pro's by Balance Boy B. Martin (http://extremeboules.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/sw19-balance-boys-triumph.html)

Fast  forward to 2012 and Hopkins sits with the most impressive stats in the league. Having defeated 77% of opponents with a win ratio of 55.6% Hopkins is showing the type of form that made Woolridge world champ in 2011 (see stats below). How's he done it? Intense training programme? Has the magic rubbed off of fellow London boulers Woolridge and Martin? Has he sold his soul at the crossroads in Llandovery? Or exchange a delicious loaf for his boule abilities with a certain lady in a certain lake  (http://www.myddfai.com/lady-of-llyn.aspx)? Who knows - all that is certain is that Hopkins is the hottest thing in Extreme Boule right now. Sit back and enjoy this interview with the man himself....

Q1: How has your life changed since you hit that number one spot?

A: Not massively, I've tried to keep a low profile and stay focused on what matters, holding onto the top spot. It's easy to get distracted with the fame, celebrity parties and yes the groupies, but I know that there is always someone out there trainin' real hard so they can take my place, I've seen Rocky 3 and I don't want to get Clubber Lang'd.

Q2: You're from the same Extreme Boule London scene that spawned the titans Woolridge and Martin. What have you got to say to you're old rivals, who seem to be struggling in 2012?

A: They got cocky, simple as that, it was all about the dollar bill for them and the title went to their heads.

"You can only be chmapion if you are at peace with yourself"

Q3: When playing boule, in terms of percentage, how much is your play Physical, Mental and Spiritual?

A: You need to be in peak physical fitness, and hand eye co-ordination is paramount to accuracy on the extreme boule field (a few ales can help this), but if you're not well mentally (and some Boule players on the circuit really are not) no amount of practice, natural talent and skill is going to help you. You can only be a true Boule champion if you are at peace with yourself. So to answer your question I would say 32%, 35%, 33%.

Q4: You're well known for your accuracy of shot. Do you visualise mythical animals during your targetting of the jack?

A: I don't understand the question.

Q5: Mike Hopkins, the Gentleman of Extreme Boule. Discuss.

A: It's a nice accolade to be sure. Out there it's tempting to use any tactics possible to get the win, but if your fellow players don't respect you it means nothing.

Q6: Finally are there any special moves you've got up your sleeve to retain that Number One spot?

A: My trainer and I have been working hard and I'll be ready to defend the title next time anyone wants to challenge it, but that's all I can say for now.

"I'll be ready to defend the title"

Inside the Stats

                                            Darren Woolridge 2011                       Mike Hopkins 2012

Win Ratio:                                          54.5%                                               55.6%

% of opponents defeated:               84.4%                                               76.7%

% of points taken in a game:           47.5%                                               27.9%

As everyone knows  statistics never lie - Hopkins 2012 version is matching the 2011 World Champs stats in terms of matches won and opponents defeated. However it is clear Hopkins has yet to learn how to annilate opponents and take most of the games points as Woolridge did so often in 2011.

Halfway Bouleathon

A weekend's Extreme Boule Extravaganza in Halfway, Llandovery saw some of the hottest, extreme boule action of 2012. A host of players battled it out over three days, with various Extreme Boule disciplines testing the nerves, courage, accuracy, and troll shattering abilities of those who took up the Extreme Challenge. The game results are reported below. Of note are the Lady of the Lake Cup Challenge at Llyn y Fan Fach which involved 15 stars of the game, and the radical innovation of the Eliminator - an Extreme Boule game format which is likely to be quickly adopted by 'kids' on the 'street'.

The undoubted stars of the weekend were Mike Hopkins and Gwen Thomas. Hopkins took on all opponents , in all Extreme disciplines, and completely shattered this years World Rankings to pieces. Regarded by some as the second coming of James Perrot, early on Hopkins was almost booed out of the game following a disgusting episode of 'emptying his pockets'. However, with a redemptive 'gifting of the jack' in the following crucial game, Hopkins redeemed himself - earning himself the nickname 'The Gentleman of Extreme Boule' in the process. A annerving accuracy and a lack of sass mouth had the fans cooing Hopkins name into the Welsh hills. How Hopkins more illustrious London rivals Woolridge and Martin respond is the hot topic in many Extreme Boule discussions right now.

Gwen Thomas, a living legend and regarded as the 'Godmother of Extreme Boule', returned to a rich vein of form. Highlight of the weekend for many neutrals was Thomas' elegant run to the Lady of the Lake Cup final and her absolute demolition of experienced boulers Waterman and T. Wort.

Stan Charles returned to walk amongst us. Once touched by Jean Baptiste Gressier, Charles gave us a glimp of what he's capable of, before descending into Hot Bloody Mary oblivion. Pippa Cox sassed her way to dominating the Eliminator Challenge and put herself back in contention for the number one spot. Rich Waterman, The Wizard of Edale, remained unfazed and scored solidly, particularly when playing near a mermaid. Sioned Jones made her return to the Extreme Boule scene and rookies Jim Cooke and Emlyn Roberts brought a fresh faced zeal to proceedings and will surely have a bright future in THE sport of 2012.

Game Results

Extreme Rating:  **** to *********
Dangers & Annoyances: The Lady of the Lake

Friday Night Meltdown
1. D. Woolridge     11
2. T. Wort               10
3. S. Moss               9

G. Thomas Comeback
1. G. Thomas          6
2. E. Roberts           1
3. T. Wort               0
4. R. Waterman      0

The Gentleman of Boule
1. M. Hopkins        11
2. S. Moss               9
3. T. Wort               8
4. D. Woolridge      3

Summoning the Lady of the Lake
1. R. Waterman      7
2. S. Moss              4
3. T. Wort              3
4. P. Cox                2

Llyn y Fan Fach Cup Challenge
1. M. Hopkins     
2. G. Thomas
3. D. Woolridge
4. M. Wort
5. R. Waterman
5. J. Cooke
5. S. Jones
5. S. Murphy
9. T. Wort
9. E. Roberts
9. S. Moss
9. N. Moss
9. K. Harrison
9. P. Cox
9. C. Davies

Big Hill Game
1. T. Wort            16
2. R. Waterman    11
3. M. Hopkins       3
4. D. Woolridge    2

Trout Farm Jack Chasing
1. M. Hopkins      16
2. S. Moss            12
2. T. Wort            12
4. D. Woolridge   8

Eliminator 1
1. M. Hopkins
2. P. Cox
3. R. Waterman
4.T. Wort
5. S. Moss
6. C. Davies
7. D. Woolridge
8. S. Murphy

Eliminator 2
1. P. Cox  
2. T. Wort
3. R. Waterman
4. S. Moss
5. D. Woolridge
6. M. Hopkins
7. C. Davies

Eliminator 3
1. T. Wort
2. S. Charles
3. S. Moss
4. J. Cooke
5. D. Woolridge
6. P. Cox
7. R. Waterman

Prestige
1. M. Hopkins          6
2. D. Woolridge       3
3. T. Wort                2
4. G. Thomas           1

Mr Grubby Paws
1. T. Wort               6
2. D. Woolridge      5
3. G. Thomas          3
4. S. Moss               2
5. S. Charles           1

Phew....

World Rankings - Top 10

The Current Top 10 in the World of Extreme Boule

Rattenbury Points
1. P. O' Brien 6.450
2. S. Murphy 6.264
3. D. Woolridge 5.900
4. B. Martin 5.243
5. S. Moss 4.488
6. T. Wort 4.302
7. R. Waterman 4.150
8. M. Wort 3.928
9. P. Cox 3.800
10. A. Betts 3.550

Extreme Boule Weekend

Date: 13-15/04/12
Location: Cardiff and Tongwynlais
BeaconsWeather: Spring sunshine
Extreme Rating: ** through to *****
Dangers & Annoyances: Over indulgence. Wild garlic poisoning.
Consumables: So much ale, wine, strong continental beer, home made wine, spaghetti, oil, pansnakes, super beans.

Results: Over a weekend in Cardiff, a number of impressive games were played, including high precision show downs in the Gravel Dome and some extreme woodland play in Tongwnlais. M. Wort came close, T. Wort dazzled with some accuracy, D. Woolridge returned to the form that made him World Champion and S. Murphy smashed the World Rankings to peices with some tremendous play!

Gravel Dome Night Match
1. D. Woolridge 6
2. S. Murphy 5
3. T. Wort 2
4. M. Wort 1

Gravel Dome Morning Match
1. S. Murphy 7
2. D. Woolridge 6
3. T. Wort 5

Fforest Fawr Power Play
1. S. Murphy 3
2. M. Wort 1

Fforest Fawr Power Play 2
1. T. Wort 3
2. D. Woolridge 2

Wild Garlic Odyssey
1. T. Wort 21
2. D. Woolridge 16

Bluebell Delight
1. D. Woolridge 21
2. T. Wort 20

Dinocroc Match
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 5

Supergator Match
1. T. Wort 11
2. D. Woolridge 8

Spaghetti Feast Show Down
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 2

Super Beans Go
1. D. Woolridge 11
2. T. Wort 10

Pansnake Face Off
1. D. Woolridge 11
2. T. Wort 6

Fizzies Match
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 7

Paracetamol Play Off
1. D. Woolridge 12
2. T. Wort 8

Gravel Dome Meltdown
1. S. Murphy 6
2. D. Woolridge 5
3. T. Wort 4
4. M. Wort 2

Four Peaks Challenge - Battle of the Beakies

Date: 12/04/12
Location: Brecon Beacons
Weather: Warm and very clear (you could see England from Pen y Fan!)
Extreme Rating: ******

Dangers & Annoyances: The drop off the edge - retrieval of boule could possibly take all day.

Consumables: Ploughman's roll and penguins.

Result: On a sensational day T. Wort took on M. Wort over four peaks in the Brecon Beakies. The breathtaking views helped to summon some exciting boule. Each peak bore witness to an intense micro game. M. Wort clearly could handle the altitude better claiming the Four Peaks Challenge 3 games to 1.

Cribyn(795m) Champion: T. WortPen y Fan (886m) Champion: M. Wort

Twyn Mwyalchod (642m) Champion: M. Wort

Corn Du (873m) Champion: M. Wort

Davies' Magic

Date: 18/3/12
Location: The Gravel Dome, Grangetown

Weather: Delicious sunshine.
Extreme Rating: **

Dangers & Annoyances: The day being too pleasant. The mismanagement of weeds.

Result:
C. Davies 8
M. Wort 7

T. Wort 2

"Boule doesn't have to have port and cigars. Give me some lipgloss." - Catrin Davies

Match Report: As M. Wort, C. Davies and T. Wort took to the Gravel Dome for a First To 7 show down, the topic of conservation was still very much the latest Woolridge-Martin battle and THAT cigar. In a fiesty pre match interview (see below) Davies took the brave move of sass mouthing Ben Martin, the current star of the Extreme Boule world. Critics and fans alike were astounded by Davies vocal outburst when it transpired that she is in fact yet to feature in the World Top 10 in 2012 OR 2011. As the game began it appeared that Davies was all jive talk no style as it was Mari Wort who set the quality level to High with a hugely impressive triple point score in the opening round. However then something magical started to happen.... Catrin Davies began to pull out some equisite moves of her own and the game began to take off. Tensions were high with the scores stood at C. Davies 6, M. Wort 5 and T. Wort 2. Mari Wort with her last boule landed an amazing kisser, which everyone assumed would give her victory. Davies, who at times referred to her boules as eggs, then shocked the Boule World... Whilst most players would aim to remove the oppositions kisser with a brutish power shot, Davies opted for genius, and landed a beautiful kisser of her own. The jack sat kissing both boule (see photo above) meaning vitory for Davies and devestation for Mari Wort. Catrin Davies it seems has the boule skills to match her sass mouth. There may also be a rival to Martin's 15 m kisser for shot of the season....

Shot of the Day: Davies last boule kisser has made the Boule World sit up and take notice....

Exclusive Interview with Catrin Davies

Before her latest Match we caught up with Catrin Davies aka Catrin Planet. In this revealing interview we get Catrin's unique insights into the big Martin - Woolridge show down, THE Cigar incident, and other pressing topics within the Extreme Boule World.

Thanks for meeting with us. Why are you doing this interview?

It seems that anybody whos anybody in the EB world is doing an interview, and I want to be an anybody.

You're currently rank very lowly, how does that feel? A long akward silence....

Martin has just beaten Woolridge. Is Martin is the freshest thing in boule, or is the Balance Boy phenomenon just a flash in the pan? Well there's his cockiness from the previous season.... I think it's, well... it's a case of erm, his boules are bigger than they really are.

That's controversial. How would you beat him a match? Long awkward silence.... The underdog just comes from nowhere. Wait and see.

The cigar ritual is the talk of the boule world. What's your opinion? I would rather see him smoking spider man things.

What mythical creature do you most associate with as you play Extreme Boule?

I think of myself as the Red Dragon who's nabbed the white dragon's eggs and is throwing them as I fly back to my cave. Big heavy bouley shaped white dragons eggs.

Who will this year's World Title? Pippa Cox? I do admire P. Cox's sass. Obviously I try to think positively and see myself with my name engraved below D. Woolridge on the trophy but.....

Single stripe, double stripe or triple stripe on your boule? The stripier the better.

Thanks.

Moss' Revenge

Date: 26/2/12 Location: Pontcanna Fields Weather Conditions: Cold crisp sunshine. Extreme Rating: * * * Dangers & Annoyances: The prospect of a broken port bottle. Broken fingers.

Match Result: 1st S. Moss 9 points 2nd T. Wort 1 point 3rd J. Murray 0 point

Report: Everyone was talking about the return of Murray, surely one of the fashion pioneers of the Boule scene and Wort's annilihation of Moss in the previous match. Moss, at the start of the match, looked nothing better than a port stained has-been, grasping a bottle of whisky for solace. The match was epic, both Murray and Wort taking turns at leading. All three players appeared to be entering a State of Collinson and with numerous Collinson Rounds everyone's courage was very much tested. After a hour of play and with a number of point deductions for hitting the port bottle so the game swung in Moss' favour. Murray's pioneering Boule Catch round almost smashed fingers, but it was Moss who, suitably port enriched, strutted away with the victory and his first ever win over Murray.

Shot of the Day: The port bottles double flip after Murray's boule smacked into it, wowed the crowd.